Defined Sight

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Ditch Your Job Like A Bad Relationship

Ditch Your Job Like A Bad Relationship

In a personal relationship, one per person loves the other, and the other loves them back. Pretty simple and works, right? However, if one person doesn’t love the other, or both aren’t in love with each other, chances are things are pretty miserable and the relationship will fail. The same can be said about jobs. Let’s take a look at the different work scenarios that are a bad relationship.


Scenario 1: You love your job, but your work doesn’t love you back.


Day in an day out for over 10 years, you have religiously showed up to work on time. You are mindful of others’ vacation days, and never request a Monday or a Friday off because that’s when your coworkers and your boss take off. After being in a field this long, you are great at what you do, and you know you are amazing at it. No one has as much people skills, confidence and patience as you do, and your workplace really misses you when you do take time off.


However, you’ve never been promoted. You’ve been told there’s no opportunity for growth, but at least they’ve given you minimal cost of living increases a couple times over the course of 10 years. Looking at time card, you are still only getting 2 weeks (80 hours) of vacation/sick leave in one year. Also, there’s no flexibility. If you have an 8am dentist appointment, you can’t work late to make up the time. Between yours and your kids’ appointments or sick days (at least one or two a month during the school year), there goes your 80 hours for the year.


In my personal opinion, if you are interested in career growth and your company doesn’t offer it to you or make an effort to try and retain such a valued and irreplaceable employee, you should be updating your resume. If you are receiving only 80 hours per year for vacation AND sick days, your company is living in 1970. There are many places out there that offer much more. Such as I started earning 106 hours of vacation a year, in addition to sick leave which I could use on medical appointments, etc. After a couple years, I was up to 156 hours a year. In a few more years, I know I could be earning up to 208 hours per year. Also key factor – I can carry over 200 hours per year. A flexible work schedule also allows me to vary my lunch for any type of appointments, so I am able to really bank my sick leave if I had an extended medical leave situation.


Scenario 2: You don’t love your job, but your workplace loves you.


You can’t leave a boss and coworkers that love you and you need THIS job (security) to support your family. However, you wouldn’t stay in a personal relationship if someone made you feel guilty to stay, so why do you do it with your job? My friend, you are going to be miserable. I can speak from personal experience, this is the scenario that affected me the most, and once I finally bit the bullet and left, I was so glad I ended that bad relationship as I wrote about here.


Scenario 3: You don’t love your job, and your workplace doesn’t love you either.


If you are a loyal person, this is going to be a bad situation for you and everyone around you.


You may not notice, but if you are miserable in your job and your workplace is making no effort to improve it, it also affects your personal life. Family may be noticing you are quieter, or withdrawn and seem uninterested in them. Social gatherings are a drag. Your partner may want to go to keep building the friendships, but, in the end they feel guilty for making you go because they could see that your heart wasn’t in it. You may even be lashing out at your partner because of their success or happiness, and you are miserable; any comments about their flexible work schedule, vacation hours and happiness can be taken as a dig. In the end, you have nothing to talk about together. They don’t want to bring up your work, because you hate it, and they don’t want to bring up theirs because they feel stupid for going on about their great work day, or fun things that happen, and it makes you more withdrawn.


And finally, a good work scenario: You love your job, and your workplace loves you.


A good match is when you know you’re awesome at your job, you love what you are doing, and your workplace knows it too. They give random recognition when they can in the form of a certificate (just a piece of paper saying ‘good job, we appreciate you’ can go very far), a 1 hr time off award, treats and investing in your personal growth. I’m not looking for a promotion anytime soon since I just got my new job, but there are still other ways to keep me focused and growing in my career.


For instance, in my article here I mentioned a leadership academy was canceled due to funds this year. However, my boss found an opportunity for me to do a financial review on a sister business in another state. It really only cost them gas and hotel a few nights, but was a wonderful opportunity to see how another place conducted business and learn what they are doing well we could take back, or I could see areas of improvement there.


They also found other funds for me to take a course that was in my individual development plan for almost 10 years at my other workplace, and they are making it happen my first year here.


Overall, a successful career relationship is when you love what your doing, and your workplace loves you back. If you are investing your time there, they should also be investing in you in return. Which scenario above would you fall in and which would you like to be in?



  1. I unfortunately fall in the category of not loving my job but my job loving me. I do a really good job and they treat me really well. I am unfortunately not super excited about the work. It’s not my passion and I’d love to do personal finance full time. But I’m not quite there yet. Hopefully one of these days 🙂

    • Mrs Defined Sight

      June 6, 2017 at 11:19 pm

      Uggh – such a rough category to be in, but sounds like you do have a lot of things to keep you motivated and going back to it until the ‘right relationship’ comes your way! Yes – hopefully one of these days soon too! Will be looking forward to hearing about it!

  2. I would say I like my job and they love me. I am certainly happy there but that doesn’t mean I’m not ready to be financial free so I can pursue a job I love.

    • Mrs Defined Sight

      June 6, 2017 at 11:14 pm

      Sounds like you are ready to consider taking a risk to the next level!

  3. Ha! Good analogy. I used to be in category 4 (mutual love), but in the last 4 years it’s become more of category 3.

    It’s not because I don’t work for a great company, it’s that I have grown and they haven’t. They still want me to travel all over the world, attend night time conference calls 2-4 times per week and be willing to respond to emails from 0700-2200 7 days per week.

    The sex (pay check) is still good though.

    P.S. sorry to take your blog out of the G-rated category. Feel free not to publish this comment. 🙂

    • Mrs Defined Sight

      June 6, 2017 at 11:02 pm

      bahahahah! I had to put earmuffs on and cover my eyes! 🙂 well done – appreciate the humor. Hope you can get back to the mutual love category – category 3 is a tough place to be for too long!

  4. Right now, I’m waiting to hear about a promotion. Depending on the size of the compensation increase, this will determine if I pursue other options. They have been dragging their feet for a few months on it…

    Thanks for sharing DS.

    • Mrs Defined Sight

      June 6, 2017 at 10:54 pm

      That’s an interesting situation. Have you thought about if your situation would improve after the promotion or change your views? I stayed in a bad work relationship far too long. Promises of a promotion and other things kept me hanging around. Almost a year after the promotion, I realized the other things would not change and I finally ended that relationship. I hope you share what you decide whenever they finally decide!

  5. Category 4! The VP of our department complimented me on the slides I presented at a cross department lunch & learn. 🙂
    I mentioned to my boss that I have education in my background and if the training department needed help, maybe I could. I am the back up trainer now. 🙂
    I’m pretty sure I’ve worked at all of the categories and am very happy here.
    Great insight!

    • Mrs Defined Sight

      June 6, 2017 at 10:40 pm

      That is awesome!! I love companies that value employees for ALL their experience, not just relying on them for the position they were hired for…they can find so much talent within!!!

  6. It’s a love hate relationship with mine. I’m in senior management so would it be weird admitting feeling this way? Work fulfills me though, so I can’t see myself not working. Although I’m a big FI guy. Maybe not as much of the RE half.

    • Mrs Defined Sight

      June 6, 2017 at 10:34 pm

      If your love outweighs the hate on most days, and you are motivated by FI – I think you have a well balanced relationship!

  7. I think many in the FI blogosphere falls under category 2 where we need the money for capital for our personal finance or investment need but would one day wish we could “retire” from it.

    Sometimes the fact that we are chasing FI itself gives a bit of a hint where we are. I wonder where are most of the guys that falls under the happiest scenarios. Sigh.
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